With you
Panhia Xiong
The day I met you, I thought you were a total idiot.
But as the days seem to go by, I began to knew you more
and now it feels like your smile can take away the pain I have in my heart.
The sound of your voice makes me breathless,
your gentle touch makes me crazy, and
everything about you makes me the person I am today.
With you, I
don't have to pretend to be the person that everyone wants me to be,
or the person everyone thinks is me.
Because when we’re together, I can forget about the world,
I never have to worry about a single thing, and
I can just smile when I’m with you.
Even when it feels like the world’s weight is crashing down on me,
as long as I'm with you, I never have to fake that smile.
That one smile, everyone thinks is real.
Everyone needs that someone special by their side,
and to me I think you're the one I need by my side.
The one I’ve been waiting for. Because of you
I’ve learned how to be more patient with life,
and I learned how to be a better person. Now
I’m thankful to have you in my life, Because
without you,
I wouldn’t know how to live life anymore
And I wouldn't know how to handle everything. But
you said to me Forever you'll stay, and I
pray those words are true.
1] So what can I change about my poem to make it better?
2] What's your opinion about my poem?
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"and to me I think you're the one I need by my side"
ReplyDeletei like your poem its lovey<3 something i wouldnt write lol but its good hahahaha
but i think you should change this part a little to make it sound great..... and to me"i know your the one" instead of i think.... because you do know you need that person by your side
was a good poem i got the feel right away. but i think like it needs a little more flow instead of telling you know add more flow, cant really axplain bu ti hope you get at what im trying to say. and maybe more describe more indepth the feelings he gives you. an i agree with the fist comment to :) its good
ReplyDeleteI like it, but it seems as if you're almost...preaching or reading a monologue. It's more talking. Perhaps you could make it flow more, and add some more imagery? Show us feeling rather than tell us?
ReplyDelete